Title: Kissing is for Lovers
Rating: PG-13 - use/references to fucking.
Warnings: Spoilers for 1.13. Also: American. Apologies.
Ianto won't let Jack kiss him. Jack likes to kiss; he knows this, he's seen it, but.
Kissing is for lovers, and whatever this is, they aren't lovers. Jack's not his boyfriend; they don't hold hands or snuggle on the couch while watching movies. He doesn't have a toothbrush in Jack's bathroom. Jack doesn't hold him close at night.
Ianto gets dressed afterwards, says, "Goodnight, Jack," and then, "I'll see you in the morning, sir." Jack looks at him sadly and rolls over in the bed, his back to Ianto as he leaves.
Jack's asked him to stay the night. Ianto always says no.
He doesn't really know what to call it. There are hard, fast fucks, but there are also long, tender times, Jack caressing and kissing him everywhere but the mouth. Ianto turns his face away, always; he has to.
Then Jack's dead. Jack's dead and Ianto's chest hurts; he tidies Jack's office and holds Jack's coat and cries and cries.
He loves Jack, desperately, and Jack is dead. Not like when Lisa stopped his heart with electricity, not like when Owen shot him. Jack is dead, and he's not waking up. He's gone.
Ianto starts sleeping in Jack's bed. He brings his toothbrush, his razor, his suits. Tosh doesn't say anything, Owen doesn't notice. Gwen sits by Jack's side, but Ianto can't. He can't do that.
He speaks to Tosh about nothing, about how her research is going and what she'd like for dinner, and Tosh screams and she's running, and Ianto turns and -
Jack's alive. He's alive and he's back, he looks like shit, but he's smiling, he's alive. Ianto's legs threaten to go out from underneath him, but he has practice, too much practice, with staying calm, with making his body move when it doesn't want to.
Ianto's hand goes out to Jack unbidden, and Jack smiles and pulls him into a hug. Ianto wants to cry; Jack was never going to hold him again, but here he is, warm and alive and here, and Ianto thanks God and all the saints because Jack is alive.
Jack lets him go slowly, looks into his eyes, touches his face.
Ianto lets Jack kiss him.