Rating: R/NC-17 (its not all that dirty)
Word Count: 2,719
Summary: Jack is sick and everyone has to suffer for it. Of course Ianto is going to help Jack feel better.
Author notes: I got this plot bunny from lilvior, so thank you very much for it and enjoy!
Jack Harkness was immortal. It was now a well known Torchwood fact. Jack had left and when he came back he was still quite immortal, a fact which Owen had spent a large amount of time commenting snarkily about. After all, Jack went away to work out that immortal thing and he comes back as immortal as ever. To Owen and even sometimes Gwen, it was just too funny.
Now, though Jack could not die this did not mean he was able to avoid the common ailments which bother all human beings such as colds and the flu. Lack of death did not mean lack of illness. It was because of this fact that the Torchwood staff were having the worst two days of their working careers.
“Could we just shoot him please?” Owen said.
Unintelligible whining could be heard coming from a certain someone’s office. Ianto rolled his eyes as he was putting that morning’s coffee mugs in the sink.
“You’ve already shot him, Owen.” Tosh replied without looking away from her computer screen, “I don’t think you get to do it again.”
Another loud sneeze and a groan echoed through the hub. They all cringed at Jack moaning louder. Everyone knew how sick Jack was but he refused to allow them to work without him present or to cancel work for the day. However, this didn’t stop him from whining through every minute of it. Thus, everyone had to suffer as much as Jack suffered. They all tried to go about their work as if there weren’t loud groaning noises distracting them and horrible slurping and snuffling sounds making them want to vomit. However, when it was Jack Harkness who was sick it was ten times worse than anyone else being sick and you kept on working, damn it.
“Ohhhhhhhhhhh…………. god, I am really dying this time.”
“Please, can I shoot him?”
Tosh glared at Owen as Ianto came in behind them looking up at Jack’s office.
“Ianto, can’t you do something?” Owen asked as he whirled his chair around. “You are his boyfriend or whatever, save us from…” Owen looked over at Jack’s office where the said Captain had his head on the desk with his hands digging into his hair, “save us from that insanity!”
Ianto only raised an eyebrow at Owen and shrugged. “You’re the doctor, Owen.”
Staring at Ianto for a moment in silent rage, Owen finally sighed heavily and turned his chair back around to regard the medical reports on his screen.
“Does he have tissues in there?” Gwen asked from where she was twirling a pen at her desk.
“Two boxes.” Ianto replied.
Jack groaned again and all four of them stared up at the office. The sickly Captain of eternal whining was now pacing back and forth in his office with a paper in his hand, clearly trying to work, but he wasn’t even looking at it. In fact he seemed to be just getting a lot of snot on it. Then Jack coughed, dropped the snot covered paper, blew his nose five times in a rather noisy and juicy sounding fashion on only one tissue, and practically fell back down in his chair.
“I have the sudden desire to take a shower.” Gwen said with a grimace on her face.
“I am just going to pretend I have no idea what is going on and work on this decode program,” said a nauseated looking Tosh.
Jack sneezed again rather loudly.
Owen stood up from his chair. “Where the fuck is my gun?”
Ianto pursed his lips and walked toward the sick office. Stopping in the office door Ianto waited for Jack to acknowledge his presence. Jack looked over at him after a minute in a frankly adorable fashion, pouting like a six year old.
“Ianto…” he said and sniffled. “I’m sick.”
Forcing himself to only laugh slightly Ianto nodded. “Yes, sir, I have indeed noticed that. I think we all have.”
“I was sick yesterday too.”
“I know. I woke up with snot in my hair.”
“You did not.”
Ianto only nodded slowly.
“Oh.” Jack glanced slowly from side to side as if he could find an excuse for his mucus on the floor of his office somewhere then looked back at Ianto in the door way, “sorry about that.”
Smiling, Ianto walked into the office and over to Jack’s chair. He stood next to Jack and stroked his hair.
“Why am I still sick?” Jack looked up at Ianto, continuing to pout, “Isn’t one day enough?”
Ianto shook his head and pulled the sitting Jack to lean against him. “Sorry, Jack.”
Snuggling into Ianto’s stomach, Jack continued to sniff. Despite the bit snot which he knew was getting on his rather expensive jacket Ianto could not help but be pleased. Normally they kept the signs of affection to a minimum at work but Ianto felt that right now Jack needed a little affection. He tangled his fingers in Jack’s hair and slowly stroked the back of Jack’s neck, just being comforting. Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto’s legs to get himself closer to Ianto’s bodily warmth and to bury his face deeper into Ianto’s mid section, sniffling the whole time. The man was just far too cute when he was sick. Ianto hardly even minded the whining and snot when it came with the sweet little pouts and touching.
Then Jack sneezed onto him.
“Um…” Jack said as he leaned back from Ianto.
Raising his hands up, Ianto looked down at his now slimy wet disgusting jacket.
“You just sneezed on me.” He said after a pause.
Jack looked up in a guilty manner and pulled a tissue out of the box, holding it out for Ianto.
Ianto closed his eyes, counted to 10, and opened them again.
“I’ll get you a cup of coffee.” He took the tissue from Jack.
“Thank you.” Jack replied with a smile and cough.
Turning on his heel Ianto walked out of the office, his arms still held up in front of him. Tosh glanced over at him as he walked out and gave him a confused look.
“He sneezed on me.” Ianto explained with a gesture down at his now rather shinny jacket.
Owen snorted into his keyboard and Gwen giggled behind her hand.
“Oh…” Tosh said. “I’m…” she was trying not to laugh, “I’m sorry, Ianto.”
He only sighed heavily. Deciding to be daring he reached down to unbutton his jacket.
“Oh, Ianto no!” Tosh said.
“That’s worse that alien guts any day.” Owen added.
Ianto just glared at him and risked the well being of his hands as he undid one snot covered button. After undoing all three buttons, while trying to ignore the fact that his hands were getting covered in green snot, Ianto finally freed himself from the offending garment. Tosh, Owen, and Gwen were all watching him in disgusted fascination through the process. Ianto slid it off his shoulders, being careful not to touch the front with any other part of his body.
“Now, it’s inside your sleeves too.” Owen put in with a cocky smile.
“Do you want me to clean this off with your leather jacket, Owen?” Ianto said. Owen’s mouth clicked closed and Ianto grinned. “I thought not.”
All eyes turned to the sick room.
“Died yet, Jack?” Owen shouted.
“I think so…”
“I could get my gun if you need help.”
“Owen!” Gwen shouted, throwing a pencil at him and missing.
Tosh began to massage her forehead with both hands. Ianto folded his jacket in half, dropped it on the couch, and fled to the coffee maker. He loved Jack but not his snot. Turning on the coffee pot Ianto checked himself for further grossness. Luckily he was now mucus free.
“Ianto….” Jack was calling across the hub.
Ianto poured the brewed coffee in a mug, added two sugars, just a little milk then turned off to answer the call.
“Is there a sedative in the coffee?” Owen asked. “Because I could get you one.”
A pencil hit Owen in the ear and he glared over the water at Gwen. Tosh sighed and pounded the keyboard so much that Ianto wondered if the desk could take the beating. Strolling into the office, closing the door behind him, Ianto pried Jack’s hands off of his face and handed him the coffee.
“It’s not too hot,” Ianto said, “just drink it up and you will feel better.”
Ianto kneeled down in front of Jack making sure that he didn’t drop the mug onto the floor or spill the coffee all over himself. Jack held the coffee with one hand while holding a tissue to his nose with the other. He quirked an eyebrow at the now just about eye level Ianto.
“Did you put a sedative in here?”
“Oh, so you heard Owen?”
Crumpling up the tissue Jack threw it in the trash can, took a huge gulp of the coffee and put the mug down on his desk. Clasping his hands together Jack leaned forward toward Ianto.
“Why are you so good to me, Ianto?”
“No one else is willing to come in here.”
Ianto leaned forward too so their faces were only a few inches apart.
“Well, I did sneeze on that fabulous suit of yours.” Jack cocked his head very slightly to the side and leaned a little closer to Ianto, his elbows resting on his thighs.
“And you are not going to get any more of your bodily fluids on my vest or shirt.”
They were now only an inch apart, looking each other in the eye. Jack reached out a hand pulling Ianto into a kiss by the top of his pants. Lips smashed together, tongue’s battling for dominance, Jack slid off his chair to kneel on the floor like Ianto and worked on Ianto’s belt.
“I thought,” Ianto said coming up for air as Jack began to bit his neck. “That you were supposed to be sick.”
“I am,” Jack replied as he pushed Ianto on to his back. “I’ve heard that sex is very good for colds.”
Ianto pulled Jack’s face down for another kiss, biting his lips and groaning quietly at the way Jack grinded his hips down on to Ianto’s.
“Is that so?” Ianto gasped out quietly, all too aware that Owen, Tosh, and Gwen were all down at their work stations and the only thing blocking their line of sight was the desk.
“Medically proven, in fact.”
Jack slid Ianto’s belt out of the belt loops and shoved it under the desk, moving upward to work on the buttons of Ianto’s vest. Ianto had to bite his tongue to keep from moaning aloud at the way Jack lower half was moving.
“You’re lucky I closed the door on the way in.” Ianto said through his teeth, as he pulled at Jack’s pants.
“I did notice that.” Jack unbuttoned Ianto’s pants and left bite marks on Ianto’s stomach as he did so. “I also noticed how much I like how you look in this vest and how these pants really hug your ass.”
Then suddenly Jack leaned his head away to the left and sneezed, wiping his nose on his sleeve.
“Oh, you old charmer.” Ianto said with a laugh but he was cut off as Jack suddenly pulled Ianto’s pants, boxers, and shoes off all at once. How exactly he got Ianto’s shoes off too was a mystery that Ianto did not have the brain power to spare for at that moment. “Though…” He yanked Jack’s pants off as far as he could in the position he was in, as Jack seemed rather unwilling to give up the top, “you do seem to be rather, ah, active for someone so sick.”
Jack paused. “Would you like me to sneeze on you again or perhaps just cough a lot?”
“No, I’m fine, thanks.”
And then Jack was inside of him, pushing his legs back. Ianto closed his eyes tightly and told himself not to cry out, though he wanted to moan, and gasp, and scream. Jack moved agonizingly slow making Ianto whimper despite the need to be silent. He heard Jack laugh softly and Ianto opened his eyes to glare lustfully up at the apparently not so sick man currently fucking him.
“Should I make sure to, oh god, remember this for-oh right there- for the next time… fuck, Jack, next time you are sick?” Ianto whispered as best he could, one hand digging his nails into Jack’s neck while he thrust back against Jack.
“I think, ohh,” Jack quicken the pace making Ianto groan softly, “that would be a-oh Ianto-a fabulous idea.”
Jack thrust harder into Ianto, closing his eyes and biting his lip in the one of the sexiest manners that Ianto had ever seen. He almost came right then. Opening his eyes again Jack leaned down to kiss Ianto. Oh god, it felt so good. Ianto ran his tongue along Jack’s teeth, pushed his hips back against Jack, feeling the pressure rising. Just then Ianto had the sudden sensation which one might refer to as ‘head spinning’ and grabbed Jack’s hips. All he could think was ‘faster, harder, now, yes, ohhh.’ He didn’t want it to stop, almost forgetting where he was, lying on the office floor. Then suddenly he was coming in time with Jack.
Somehow neither one of them screamed but both just collapsed into each other instead. Ianto tried to slow his breathing as he looked up at the ceiling of Jack’s office. Chicken soup couldn’t hold a candle to this method of healing. Jack lifted himself up onto his hands above Ianto and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
“Such good coffee!”
Ianto burst out laughing and rolled Jack off of him so they were lying side by side. Jack sneezed again and Ianto handed him the box of tissues.
“Clean up, sir.” Ianto said as he did the same and grabbed his pants. “We can’t have our Captain in such a state.”
Blowing his nose with one hand while pulling his pants on with the other Jack just laughed. Ianto stood up, clothes back in perfect position, appearing as normal as ever not like he had just been fucked on the floor. In pure knight in shinning armor fashion Ianto put his out to Jack to help him up from the floor.
“Oh, my hero,” Jack said sarcastically through a tissue, “saving me from this evil cold.”
Jack sat in his chair again and dropped the tissue in the trash.
“I try my best.” Ianto smiled. “Drink the rest of your coffee.”
Picking up the mug, Jack took another large gulp then put a hand to his head. He breathed in slowly then looked up at Ianto with a groan.
“Well, my head feels better but my sinuses are still full of shit.”
“Finish your coffee then.” He grinned and turned to walk out. “I can only do so much, you know, sir.”
Opening the door Ianto walked back out into the hug, smiling ever so slightly. Owen turned to look at him as he walked past.
“Did you hit him with the mug to make him that quiet?”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Can I help it if my coffee has that affect on all of you?”
They all heard Jack groan again.
Owen raised an eyebrow at Ianto, “I’m sure it was the coffee.” Then he turned back to his computer.
“You sure we shouldn’t get him some chicken soup?” Gwen asked and Ianto forced himself not to laugh.
They all looked back at the office. Jack was standing in the door way leaning on the frame. Walking over slowly Ianto stopped right in front of Jack.
Jack simply leaned down and lightly kissed Ianto on the lips.
“Thank you.” He said, though his eyes said ‘I love you.’
Even though they had just had sex on the floor behind the desk in Jack’s office with all the other team members right near by with few qualms at all, at this little kiss Ianto felt himself blush.
“You get better.” Ianto said quietly, just to Jack.
“I will.” Jack replied with an accompanying sniffle and Ianto smiled.