Rating: PG 15
Warnings:Angst and language
Notes:This is an interlude in my series I am begining to believe should be called "The neverending PWP"
Authors Note: Reading through these couple of fics I am seeing something wrong if I am to continue this series.
True D/s relationships whether they be lifestyle or the every so often we'll do something different all have one thing in common and that is an emotional attachment to the other. I have been Dom'ing for several years now and have found myself in this situation a couple of times. Yes, it is exhausting to maintain the intense focus required and it is almost impossible to carry on extended scenes or more than two or three individual scenes before you begin to burn out. Reading through the fics so far, I am seeing a lack of focus on Ianto's behalf and not enough feedback from Jack to re-energize Ianto during the scene. So I have decided to write this interlude to try rectify this inequality. Most of the actual dialogue is from my own life and experience, so apologies for any out of OOC moments. As I see Jack and Ianto is how I have written them in this context.
Also, thanks to the many community readers who have left feedback, most of my previous fandom’s believed feedback was a dirty word and I promise to get back to the regularly scheduled smut with the next full chapter, but as I said, I believe in accuracy and how the series was heading left me feeling uneasy, so thanks once again for your patience and forbearance while I rectify the Jack/Ianto imbalance.
Christ, I can’t even stand yet, my legs are still shaking like jelly and my arse… well, let’s just say that I will standing up for a couple of days. I really need to get up and have a shower, I reek, not that I mind the smell though musk and sex, a little hint of the leather harness and the dried come all over me. No, on the whole I like it, but seeing as I am supposed to be the Robin Hood to those merry men out there, it really isn’t a good idea to go out there reeking as I do. Although, they will be able see I have been royally fucked, kind of obvious really.
Hauling my arse up from the tiles I was so elegantly draped across I reach up and feel a spasm shooting from my arse all the way up my spine and back down to my cock. Damn, I haven’t been this post orgasmic ever, really got to get my head back on straight again. First things first, have that shower, then try act as if I haven’t been done resoundingly by the tea boy, yeah right, like that’s going to happen.
Have to give Ianto credit though, imaginative so of a bitch he is, damn, I really don’t need another hard on just yet. Okay, shower.
Hmmm, I think I should go commando here, don’t think I’d be able to handle regular underwear for a little while. Looking up at the dresser I see another note, it would have to be from Ianto, no one else comes in here.
“Sir, knowing that you would be a little tender after, I have taken the liberty of acquiring an analgesic gel from Owen’s stores, please ensure that you apply it generously and if it is not too presumptuous to abstain from wearing any underwear to allow the gel time to work properly. I have sent Tosh and Gwen out to gather samples from a quasi-gelatinous substance that has been reported to the local environmental board, people believe that it is a residual leftover from a decontamination attempted by the local fire brigade. I believed it better to be safe than sorry. Owen left at the same time, mentioning that he wished to follow up on some autopsy results, although personally Sir I believe he has gone to one of the adult video theatres as he has left a magazine open indicating a new show opening today.”
Smirking to myself I have to wonder who is actually in charge here, it is amazing what Ianto can get away with, people don’t even realise he has given them orders before they are doing exactly what he asked. Then again, who am I to talk, no surprise there then that the other three are just as susceptible.
Making my way out to my desk I notice how quiet and peaceful it is without the other three in here. Could kind of get used to this I think.
“Sir, did you want a coffee, I could admit to wanting one myself, so it would be no trouble.”
I still can’t believe Ianto, one minute fucking the living hell out of me, the next acting all subservient, I really don’t understand that man at all.
“That would be fine Ianto, grab yourself a cup as well, I’d like to talk to you if you wouldn’t mind.”
“That would be fine Sir, just give me a moment. Shall I bring them in here or would you rather somewhere else?”
“Just here is fine thanks Ianto.” Fuck, I really need to get some control back here. I can’t help but take my cues from him, I know I am letting him dictate the how and whys, and sex wise I don’t mind at all, hell if I’m perfectly honest I’m fucking thrilled by it, but I still need to be able to run things here, not still be in sub mode. Yeah, Ianto and I really need to talk.
Watching as Ianto brings in the coffees I take a sip, perfectly doctored as usual. We sit there looking at one another, neither saying a word, just each taking the occasional sip and trying to avoid each others eyes. Well, that stops now.
“Ianto” I try, he acknowledges me, but still doesn’t raise his eyes to mine.
“Ianto, we have to talk about this.”
“I know.” Comes his hushed answer. “I’ve been waiting for you to say something, I didn’t feel it was my place to start.”
“That’s fucking bullshit Ianto and you know it, its fine for you practically decimate my own vision of myself and make me happy to do that, but not for you to try talk about it after?” I really don’t get him at all I swear I don’t.
“What do you see happening between us Ianto, what exactly do you see?”
“Permission to speak frankly Sir?”
“You know you can Ianto, for the love of god stop this passive aggressive crap, I for one have had it.”
“Fuck you, how dare you accuse me of being passive aggressive, I’m not the one that has turned it into a fucking art form.”
His vehemence surprises me, not to mention I have this sneaking suspicion he may be right about that. “Fair enough Ianto, I know you’re right, but still, what’s going on here?”
“You tell me Jack, you’re not the one with anything to lose here.”
I can’t help but look aghast at that “How fucking dare you tell me that I have nothing to lose here, what about my pride, dignity, my leadership. Have you thought of those you little prick.”
I can’t help it, I am fucking furious here, where does the little fuck get off saying that crap?
“Your fucking pride, dignity, leadership? What about my fucking heart, my fucking sanity!”
“Is this all a game to you? Do you actually have any idea how hard this is?” He continues almost under his breath “No, of course you don’t, do you actually feel anything other than the physical?”
I am completely stunned here, when I said we should talk, this was not what I wanted, but I have a lingering suspicion that I have been called shallow.
“I’m not shallow you know.”
“Of course not Jack, you don’t need to be deep, you just need to be pretty.” Ouch , the venom in those words stings deeply. I never knew just how much words could hurt when used by a master.
“All you care about is when your next fuck is coming along, I wont play this game anymore Jack, I am sick of your games. Make a fucking decision and stick to it.”
“I can’t do this dom thing all the time Jack, it is too exhausting, especially when you get no emotional feedback, all I see when we fuck Jack is that yes, you really enjoy it, but that’s it. No emotional connection at all.”
“Why do you think I have been pushing you so hard with the sex Jack, is it because I think you’re nothing more than a hole to fuck? Or is it because I need to see a connection happen between us, maybe I need someone I can trust to look after me as well as being the one to do all the caring.”
“You’re a great piece of arse Jack, but until you make up your mind, that is how I will view you, nothing more than a great shag. It is your choice pretty boy.” And with that he ups and leaves the office.
A million thoughts whirl inside my head, memories of other conversations with previous lovers all saying the same thing, memories of this morning with Ianto caressing me afterwards, bleak thoughts at the thought of never again touching Ianto.
I feel a tightness in my chest and the world goes blurry. Wrapping my arms around myself I feel a single tear trail its way slowly down my cheek as I ask myself “How do you change the behaviour of a lifetime?”
I hadn’t realised I’d spoken aloud until I hear “By putting one foot in front of the other Jack, one day at a time.”
Wrapping his arms around me I finally let the tears flow.