Rating: Eventually NC17 or however you classify eye wateringly filthy.
Pairing/s: Jack/Ianto Jack/Jack Ianto/Lisa
Spoilers: 1.04, 1.08, 1.12, 1.13 AND Dr. Who 2005 eps 9, 10, 11 and 12
Disclaimer: Not mine, if they were they would at least spend more time naked.
Warnings: Mind Fucks, Dom/sub, graphic violence, partner betrayal and also occasional uses of sappy stuff.
Laying there with my arms wrapped loosely around him, I look back as to the events that led to this… to us.
I believe I have said before how amazed I am no-one else here at Torchwood has bothered to look past the blank façade that Ianto projects, well, it is their loss and my gain. There is so much more to Ianto Jones than even I gave him credit for at the beginning… well to be honest much further beyond than the beginning, but it is in Ianto I trust now and that is how it will stay.
I have to chuckle to myself, he is kind of cute in that sort of little boy lost look he has when he sleeps, the mussed hair, his lips slightly swollen from biting them in his sleep. The fact he curls in under my arm every night and just snuffles himself to sleep. Yeah… Cute, but beware, even wolves look cute when they sleep. It is only when they are awake and defending their loved ones that you see the power and force, driven by sheer terror for those they love, their pack.
Ianto may be a Welshman, but only when he sleeps and never has there been a time I have seen him attack so hard, so fast, so without mercy and what was worse for him was that he couldn’t attack the threat, so he chose the next best thing… Me.
Well I suppose I promised you our tale, didn’t I. well, better get a move on and I’ll meet you out in the conference room. Ianto doesn’t react well to this part of the tale, even though it is the past…
That’s right, my lovers from the past.
Christ, there has been so many, but there is only one that Ianto still has not fully forgiven me. My namesake, Captain Jack Harkness. Anyway, you wanted the tale, fine, sit a while, this’ll take a bit.
You know I have travelled space and time, don’t you? Well there is one more dimension that even the Doctor disliked to traverse. Reality itself. That is where for every pivotal decision made, an alternate reality comes into existence and follows the path of the choice not made.
The rifts between these dimensions are rare and extremely fragile and I guess I lucked out and fell through like bits of flotsam and jetsam. Christ I hate that phrase, I sum up the entirety of otherworldly existence with that three word phrase. Anyway, I digress.
Suffice it to say I found my way back to 1941; one day after a RAF training mission surprised two squadrons of Messerschmitt’s. Their Captain was the only one shot down, managed to pull down three of the bastards with him though. The rest of the training squad made it back safely but the Captain was listed as MIA, presumed dead as his body was not found anywhere near the wreckage site. Well, I needed a name and I fit his general description so what the hell. I became Captain Jack Harkness, American Volunteer and conman at large.
The intervening years matter not so much to this tale so we shall skip ahead a few years shall we, ummm let’s say 65 years or better yet, 64 years and 364 days to be exact.
It was all because of those anonymous reports of 1940’s music being heard in the old Ritz dancehall, place had been shut for at least a couple of decades, still up to us to investigate.
So, off go Tosh and I to take a ‘look-see’, what we do find though stuns me even now. It wasn’t just 1940’s music, it was a crack in the rift that took us back to the evening before I arrived the first time in1941. It was the “Kiss the Boys Goodbye” dance. Damn, it was really strange, but familiar at the same time. Tosh being Tosh was frantically trying to work out how to get back ‘home’ at the same time as trying to fend off the attentions of one of the First Navigators.
Heh, you could say I had a similar problem, although it wasn’t a First Navigator chasing me, no it was a Captain, Captain Jack Harkness to be exact.
I suppose I should fill you in on how Ianto fits in this; well it’s like this…
I had been winding the poor boy up like crazy for a few months now, actually from since he started and up till a few days before I got stuck in 1941 for the second time he had remained decidedly lacklustre about the whole idea. Well, that all changed at about 9pm on the Sunday.
I was sitting around rather bored actually, horny as hell. Tosh and Gwen were having a girls night in, hmmm have to ask them about that, and Owen, well he was probably out trying to fuck some poor bird, although you do have to feel sorry for him, with a face like that he’d better be good in bed, yup have to ask about that one as well. Where was I, oh yes, bored and horny.
Ianto was doing his usual post day clean and tidy, not to mention avoiding me like the plague. I suppose I can’t blame him, I know what it is like to lose someone you love.
Ahhh, my Estelle, she was so young and beautiful and we promised each other forever, but I had to go and over the years I saw her get older, more frail more lonely. To a large degree I blame myself for her death. She had always been fey of nature, but as the years progressed her obsession with the Faery grew. No, I played a large part in her death, yet another loss I carry with me.
So there I was, sitting at my desk, a nice Islay Malt to hand when a polite knock at the office door interrupts my reverie.
“Sir, I have finished for the evening, was there anything else you require before I leave?”
“No, Ianto, I’m fine here, go home and rest. It’s been a hard couple of weeks for us all.”
Glancing up, I am struck anew at the strength of Ianto Jones. His face clearly maps his torment and anguish, yet his demeanour and posture remain unchanged.
“For what ever comfort this may give you Ianto, I am sorry, sorrier than you can imagine, but please understand, I had to do it.”
“You bastard, how can you sit there and tell me you are sorry for destroying one of the last things in my life I held as absolute.” His vehemence bites deep and I am unsure of what to say.
“I am sorry Ianto, please believe that. I can’t stand to see you in this pain and it hurts me to know I did cause it.” Damn, this isn’t helping, maybe the truth will. “Ianto, please listen to me, I can feel your anguish and pain and I feel it ever stronger because I blame myself for it. Yes, I killed Lisa, I had no choice.”
For one of the very few times in my life I let my feelings show as I let the vulnerability peek through. “I do care Ianto. I care so much for you that this hurts me as much as it hurts you.”
The bark of choked laughter startles me.
“Do you know the worst part Jack? I know you care, but do you want know something else Jack? This hurts me so much because the only other thing I held as absolute was the one who killed her.”
Shocked into immovability I can only stutter out “What do you mean, Ianto?”
The choked laughter is sliding into hysterical “You mean you don’t know Jack, the brilliant all seeing, all knowing omnipotent Captain Jack Harkness doesn’t know?”
Heaving gasps are all I can hear as Ianto finally let’s himself grieve. Anguished sobs begin to brokenly punctuate the air as his shoulders shudder convulsively.
I can’t bear the look of abject misery on his face. Tentatively I pull him into my arms and gently wrap one around him and cradling his head with the other. Words are useless here, nothing I could say would help, all he needs to know is that someone is there for him.
“Jack, why are you doing this to me, I don’t know who I am anymore.”
All I am capable of doing is to hold him tighter and to drop a chaste kiss on his forehead.
Dropping his head to my shoulder his movements cease as he asks in nothing more than a whisper “That Jack, why did you do that?”
“I am not 100 percent sure Ianto, I did tell you that I care.”
“Yes, but how much do you care Jack, I need to know. I won’t be your plaything or notch on the bedpost. As far as I’m concerned Jack, you have two choices, you either prove to me I actually mean something to you, not just your secretary or housekeeper; or I leave, I can’t keep doing this anymore.”
“Jack, I’ve been fighting myself for months now, you have my records from Torchwood One, you know I was in a relationship with Hywel… Damn you Jack, why the hell did you make me fall for you, damn you, damn…”
Thumping me with his fists to match his cadence, as his voice weakens so do his strikes until finally his arms are at rest around my shoulders. “I love you Jack, I just wish you could feel the same for me.”
Damn, it has been 60 years since I pursued an actual relationship and look how that ended up, Estelle left abandoned when I got too bored to remain. Could I open myself up again, risking so much, not so much for me but for Ianto.
Resting my chin on top of his head, I finally allow myself to be free “Anwylyd Ianto, atat Brofa.”
Gently shunting my head over, Ianto lifts his head in surprise, “Am I Jack, am I your beloved? I want to believe you will prove to it me, please know one thing Jack, Rwy'n dy garu di.”
“That’s enough for now Ianto, we’ll take this slowly, no need to rush. We need to learn about each other, things will come as they will.”
Gently cradling his head in my hands, I place a soft, but passionate kiss on his upturned lips. Softly parting his lips as he responds; deepening the kiss as gently as possible. This is enough for now. The rest will happen with time.
There, now you know how Ianto fits into this and as you will see the only thing that can destroy him is betrayal.
You know something? The problem with being immortal means you more than likely make the same mistakes over and over again. After all, you have all the time in the world to fix it… Or so you think.
TBC in “Lovers from the past. Part 2”