Hello. I come bearing more fic.
Title: On reflection, things always seem a lot clearer
Characters: Ianto, Tosh and Jack is mentioned.
Pairings: Ianto/Jack, and I suppose Ianto/Tosh
Spoilers: The last two episodes
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but they're on next years christmas list!
“I thought I’d lost him.” Ianto was trying to come to terms with losing Jack four times in the space of a few days. “When you and him went back to the 40’s, I thought… I thought you might not come back.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “Ever.”
“You know what, Ianto? I thought we were stuck too. But you got us back!” Tosh smiled at the knowledge that she could always rely on her team.
“No I didn’t. Owen did. I love Jack, but I couldn’t save him. I love him, Tosh, but I wouldn’t let Owen do it. I love him, but I couldn’t.” Tears were streaming down his face, but Ianto didn’t try to brush them away. “I love him… but… I…”
“You did the right thing. Sometimes, there are more important things than the ones we love.”
“Like what?” Ianto scoffed.
“Like the ones other people love. Like the people you were trying to save when you tried to stop Owen.”
“When I shot him you mean. By then it was too late. I thought I’d lost you both, and I lost myself. I should’ve thought… but I didn’t. I should’ve known it was the only way to get you back… but I didn’t.”
“It’s no good dwelling on the past. It’s done now, and it’s okay Ianto.” Tosh sipped her coffee. “You know, your coffee is much better than this!”
“Thanks!” said Ianto, smiling for the first time in a long time.
“Not a problem! You’re starting to look a bit better! When the world’s falling apart, complement your coffee and your okay again!”
Ianto was smiling, but then he thought of Jack again. “I thought he was back for good. I was so happy he was back. But it all went wrong. Why didn’t we listen to him? Why did we think we knew what was best?” Tears returned to his eyes.
“It’s easy to say that now! On reflection, things always seem a lot clearer.”
“But we didn’t have to shoot him!”
“You didn’t pull the trigger.” Tosh reminded him.
“But I didn’t stop it either. He’s survived a lot of things he shouldn’t have survived, but when I saw him on the floor, I thought that was it; the last of his chances gone. And I really thought… I really thought he was gone.” The tears were coming faster now.
“We all did. Even he did, I think.”
“And, although he was only gone for a few minutes, I missed him. I needed him already. And immediately, Torchwood needed him too. We needed his retina scan. And we needed a plan.”
Tosh smiled at the memory of Jack’s bravery and devotion. “And in true Jack style, he came back, and he had a plan!”
“A plan that resulted in him sacrificing himself. A plan which left me believing he was gone for the third time.” Ianto was in tears again.
“I don’t understand it. He was gone, but he came back… It’s, well… it’s…” Tosh was at a loss for words.
“It’s impossible.” Ianto smiled at her, weakly, but the tears continued. “He’s impossible. And that’s why… that’s why I love him.”
“I know, I know.” Tosh put a comforting arm around him.
“He was gone. That time I accepted it. He’d been gone too long for him to come back.”
“Yet he did.”
“Yes. Once again, although I had resigned myself to losing him, he returned. I’ve lost him so many times now, it’s as though I know he’ll come back to me. But this time, I held no hope. And I was glad for him. As much as I knew I would miss him, as much as I knew that my life was falling to pieces, I knew that that was how he would have wanted to go. Saving the world. Saving the ones he loved, and the ones that loved him. And that’s how he wanted it to end.”
“But it wasn’t how he ended. He came back.”
“For the third time, he came back. I was so happy. For the brief time he was back, I was so happy. The person I loved the most in all of the world had come back!” Ianto was still crying, but now he was crying tears of happiness. Tears of love. Tears of the joy of the memories.
“He always does return to us! Quite how, I don’t know, and I don’t think he does either, but I don’t care! If I can count on him to return, I can count on him to tell me one day. When he knows.”
“If he ever gets the chance to tell you.”
“He’ll be back. Don’t worry.”
“But he didn’t die. He just vanished, and who knows if he can come back to us from that. I love him, but I don’t want to be in the dark anymore. I want to know the real him. I want to love the real him.”